MY REFLECTIVE JOURNEY IN ACTION RESEARCH

Marilyn Kroeker Motlong

This paper chronicles my journey as a young teacher candidate learning to use action research while in the B.Ed. program at Nipissing University during the 1998/9 academic year. It focuses primarily on my experience trying to identify a critical research question, and to implement my ideas within various practice teaching settings as the year progressed. My data collection included extensive journal writing. My data analysis involved looking for patterns and development as recorded in the journal. The result has been substantial changes in my thinking which led me to a deeper understanding of the multifaceted role of the professional teacher.

When I reflect on where I was at the beginning of this process, I find it incredible that the convictions I felt so strongly just a few months ago have taken on new meaning. I originally stated in my journal, "I will attend to my students’ needs 100%." When questioned about the aggressiveness of this statement, I began to think of my capabilities as a teacher and as a human being in trying to accomplish such a feat.

I eventually managed to tie my emerging research questions to this statement, but as you will read throughout my compilation of experiences and "data," I was struggling with ironing out what exactly was to be my focus. By my second practice teaching placement, in February 1998, I trust that you will see where the shift began to take place. By then, my focus was not so much on my own abilities, but more on being able to meet the needs of the students, by watching and learning from them. I regard this as a transformation of my thinking about teaching and learning that will profoundly affect my future practice and action research.

I will begin by examining what I felt my role as a teacher was in the fall of 1998 and I will highlight one situation that I experienced in my first practice teaching placement. At this stage, my research questions had yet to be formed. Please, understand that this compilation of data is a written process of trying to find, explore, and act on a question that was critical to me. I feel that at this stage in my research, I must present my feelings, experiences, reasoning, and explanations in order for my research to be valuable.

This part of the paper is based on analysis of my early journal entries from September to December 1998.

I had been thinking about my role as a classroom teacher, and I managed to compile a list of sorts. I was shocked at the variety of professional pursuits in which I was to engage. I always thought that I would enjoy being a child psychologist or a sociologist, a doctor, nurse, environmentalist, religion/belief "teacher", botanist, artist, chef or police officer… but never, ever did I have intentions of taking on all of these professional roles simultaneously!

Now that I have had my first taste and being a psychologist/nurse/botanist and so on (also known as a teacher), I have had a chance to revisit something of which I am very proud, my morals. When I stated months ago that I would help the kids in any way possible, did I understand what I was saying? Did I understand that my role as a teacher also included many other roles? Did I see how morals frame how I behave and model each belief that I carry in every role in which I engage? Did I know how my day-to-day behaviour would influence children, even without attempting to impose my beliefs on them?

The word that comes to mind now is "imposing." When I believe in my heart that I am modeling our society’s perception of a good person, how do I know that I am modeling what others see as good? Furthermore, how do I establish a fine line between offering advice and imposing? Will the "fine line" be different for each student? I began my November placement with this question in mind, and I had a fabulous opportunity to explore it with one of my Grade 6 students whom I will refer to as "Sara."

One incident with Sara occurred when I found her in tears. She seemed lost and pressured, and I immediately recalled that I had had frequent similar emotional outbursts when I was in Grade 6. I began to listen to her and attempt to make sense of the issue at hand. When I finally did speak and offer her advice, she shut me out with statements such as, "Ya, but…. I know that. But you don’t understand!" and so on.

Later, my associate teacher spoke with me about her. He believed that rejecting the advice I gave her (because she chose not to hear it) would not hurt her. What would be potentially hurtful, would be if I did not at least attempt to listen and console. I questioned the ethics of trying to impose my beliefs on her while attempting to help. Because of his comments, however, I felt that my associate and I shared similar values and beliefs about teaching. It was this sense of commonality that eventually solidified our relationship. I saw how a common understanding between teacher and student could build bridges as well.

It was only later that I realized how important this experience was in shaping my thinking. It connected with my previous studies in psychology and sociology, as well as other personal experiences and helped me formulate a number of questions. I came to realize that the experience shared between my associate and myself, coincided with my "new" perception that all educators should model appropriate morals and values under the umbrella of school expectations, societal expectations, and personal convictions.

I asked myself how I could effectively communicate with Sara without crossing the boundary of imposition. Is the imposing boundary with her the moment when she tunes me out and begins with the, "Ya, buts?" Is this the point when she begins to feel that she is losing control because I am too close to the truth and it hurts her?

I asked myself what I was going to do. Console her? Teach her a "lesson of life?" Guide her? Am I modeling reasoning, conflict resolution, problem solving and communication skills, or am I imposing them? Am I modeling how I was taught to pull through issues like this based on what I recall from Grade 6?

I had said from the outset that I believed it is a teacher’s responsibility to attend to each student’s needs 100%. This is a daunting task. Yet I still believe that it is true at least in theory, and I am determined to do everything in my power to attend to the needs of my students as best as I can. I believe that if the attitude that I have now were lost, it would be the end of my teaching career. I strongly feel that the well-being of my students is the number one reason why I am in the classroom. As Professor Jack Jones stated to us in class, "You make time for the students, ALWAYS. Even if you have 300 other things to do, give the kid 30 seconds." I will always carry Jack’s words with me.

This part of the paper is based on analysis of my entire journal from September 1998 to March 1999.

From the very beginning, I was extremely concerned with my ability to "teach effectively." I was mortified when I found out that my first placement was in Grade Six. I was particularly concerned that teaching Mathematics was going to be a problem. I spoke of my insecurities with my first associate teacher, and he told me that the best thing to do would be to teach other subjects until my comfort level increased before attempting to teach mathematics. In retrospect, being given this window of freedom was an extremely valuable experience for me during that placement. I was given a chance to explore my strengths and weaknesses with 100% support from my associate. What my associate modeled for me, will always be a part of how I will teach my students in the future.

In my second placement, I had my first experience teaching Mathematics in Grades 1/2. I was given the responsibility for creating a unit on money the night before the first class was scheduled! I was anxious to design a plan that incorporated curriculum outcomes and expectations. Without realizing it initially, I created an excellent unit that incorporated skill growth in academic and social areas and included assessment and evaluation tools.

One of the statements I remember making was, "I am terrified that I won’t be able to teach mathematics in creative and exciting ways." When I read my journal and compare my confidence level from September to March, I am amazed at the increased level of confidence. I never would have imagined how exciting it would be to create and implement a unit of study in Mathematics!

Struggling with myself is without a doubt the beginning of my personal growth. I feel that the confidence that I have will reflect in my work, and will enable me to build strong relationships with my students in Mathematics and other subject areas in the future.

Grade 6 and Grade 1/2 provided very different experiences. I found that the issues in Grade 1/2 were often dealt with easily and quickly forgotten. However, I felt more intense feelings and emotions in the Grade 6 class. Perhaps this was because of the ability of Grade 6 students to express themselves and communicate at a higher level.

The following situation from my Grade 1/2 class provided insights into how my thinking developed about my research questions. To help reflect on my own practice, I had asked my associate to brief me at any point if she felt that anything I said to the students was inappropriate. My attention was directed toward a student who asked for my help unnecessarily at least ten times a day for the first week I was there. (My associate and I dealt with this behaviour during week 2). The following situation occurred:

The activity sheet was not particularly challenging for any of the Grade 1/2 students. The student said he needed help because he did not "know any of the answers."

My Comment:

"Do you not know ANY of these answers?"

Student Response:

(In a disruptive tone of voice) "Noooooooo"

My Comment:

"If you don’t know any of these answers, do you need extra help?"

Student Response:

(In a disruptive tone of voice) "Noooooo."

My Response:

I started to smile at him! Then I said, "Well then, what are you waiting for, spring?" (So much for no sarcasm in the classroom.) "Get to it and when you’re done, put up your hand. I’ll check your work." (I was still smiling)

Result:

I observed that the student completed his work immediately, with ease. He put up his hand, I checked his work, and complimented him on getting it done quietly and efficiently.

This student has been identified with attention deficit disorder and often had a difficult time staying on task. He also had a difficult home life and had been kept back a grade. As a result of the situation described above, we began to use humour with each other to establish our friendship. He quickly understood that I liked to keep him focused so he could get his work done, and I quickly learned that he needed regular "walk-abouts" to keep him refreshed and willing to "get focused." Mutual understanding gave us a healthy start to our student/teacher relationship, and I felt that we were successful because we were both willing to try.

I remember reading an article a colleague showed me. In it the author tried endless strategies to help a boy fix a "friend issue." The author stated that giving the boy hope and encouragement is the teacher’s job – because he is a teacher! I think that this is a fabulous line to remember as I begin my practice. As I floundered in September, I had not yet established where I stood as a teacher. I was mostly concerned about my own success. I think that I began to make sense of my position as a teacher and the abilities that I had when I discovered the difference between the modeling and imposition of values. This insight improved, not only my individual interactions with students, but my ability to plan and teach subject content. My confidence had increased and my teaching has become a passion "for the sake of the children," not solely for "my own success." As Carl Rogers indicated regarding non-directive counselling, positive human relationships enable people to grow. (Joyce, Weil, & Showers, 1992)

Conclusions

The focus of my action research has been to develop into a more confident teacher, better able to attend to my students’ needs. In part I have done this by better understanding myself. My research questions related to this focus emerged and changed as the year progressed, and my concerns about my practice diminished. One key question was, "How can I ensure that I am modelling appropriate values and morals, and not imposing them?" Another was, "How can I teach, effectively, the content of the curriculum, particularly in Mathematics?"

I believe that the most amazing transformations in my thinking are occurring because of my action research and the reflective practice it engenders. I have confidence in myself, even in the occurrence of failure. I believe that this is a strong characteristic to have--strength when you have been defeated. My growth in confidence is giving me an improved ability to explore and "test" my own beliefs and practices.

As a result of this year’s action research, I have identified the following professional development goals:

• to continue to build confidence and competence, so as to enrich the students in my class.
• to seek resources that help to better my teaching practice.
• to take risks in my future classrooms and build from these successes and failures.

I believe that becoming engaged in personal growth is entirely the choice of the individual. I believe that in order for one to become engaged in such a practice, one must be exposed to the concept of reflective action research. I feel that as you become interested in researching your practice, development of, and perhaps transformation in one’s thinking and behaviour occurs. At this stage, the individual is continuously analyzing his/her work. Being able to articulate personal understanding of growth on paper indicates to the reader that numerous connections are being made to better understand "self."

I know that transformations in beliefs and behaviour do not occur without hard work and dedication. I have searched for resources, both human and other. I have taken time to concentrate on my actions, to observe the results of my actions and to watch and learn from those around me. I have sought out and accepted the advice and constructive criticism of others. I have learned from listening to students, and I have developed a passion for teaching.

Throughout this exercise, I feel that I have shown substantial personal growth. I have increasingly made connections from my teaching and classroom experiences to educational literature, my previous studies, my personal behaviour and beliefs, and the beliefs and actions of others. I feel as though I have created a support system of resources around me that, of course, will forever be changing. I have reached a point where I feel safe to make decisions on my own and that I am capable of taking risks. I feel that I am a stronger person now that I have become involved with action research.

Reference

Joyce, B., Weil, M., & Showers, B. (1992). Models of teaching. Needham Heights, Massachusetts: Allyn and Bacon.

Bibiographical Note:

Name: Marilyn Kroeker Motlong
Current Position: Grade 4 Teacher, Baibombeh Anishinabe School in Pawitik, ON
Academic Degrees: 1998 Bachelor of Recreation Studies, University of Manitoba; 1999 Bachelor of Education, Nipissing University
Current Research: A follow-up paper incorporating experiences as a first year teacher will be written when this year is completed. Ms. Kroeker Motlong would like to explore the similarities and differences between her practice teaching and her professional teaching experiences.